5 DATES THAT HIT BETTER, BOOZE-FREE

DATE IDEAS:

Warm Weather: Mini Golf + Frozen Treats

Cold Weather: Bowling + Coffee Shop

In my practice, I hear the words “I just wish my sex drive was like it used to be when I was a teenager…”

Here’s the thing, teenagers take time to have fun. At the very least, non-goal-based activity, laughter/goofiness/bumbling, and togetherness are core principles of that time in our lives. 

Couples that had been in relationships from anywhere between 2 months and 15 years were surveyed with the findings that the pairs, "who participated in ‘novel’ and ‘arousing’ activities reported improved relationship quality, as well as increased passion for one another.” 

You wanna feel more connected to your partner? (and to yourself?) Stress is a consistent factor in lack of libido, but also in inhibiting those good hormones that make you feel bonded and relaxed in each others’ presence. Have fun and don't worry about the instagramability.

In 2020, Utah State University did a study on couples’ connectivity and found that, “When couples cook together it can strengthen relationship skills, provide an emotional connection, and build a better understanding of language and how we communicate with each other.”

No excuses, because all you really need for this date is a cooking element (oven, stover, air fryer), a package of wonton wrappers, and some Nutella or your favorite spreadable cheese. 

If you’d like to kick it up another notch,

here are 2 recipes from Bon Appetit to get you started:

Pea & Ricotta Potstickers

Pork Wontons with Sesame Sauce 

Pick a single day class where you will learn something that EITHER: you both know absolutely nothing about, OR, you both know lots about. My point is that - neither person should be the expert here! 

New York-based psychiatrist Dr. Hisla Bates, M.D. illustrates the importance of this so succinctly, finding that, “Learning new things together strengthens bonds because it is at those moments we can show our vulnerability to one another..When we are learning a new task, neither party is an expert, and mishaps and failures are bound to happen. In those vulnerable moments when we fail, the other party can show support. They can work together to find a solution, and working together helps deepen the connection.”

Class Ideas:

Relate Workshop! (a girl’s gotta eat…)

Pottery

Cooking Class 

Ballroom Dancing 

Sketching Group / Art Class 

Meditation

Archery

Mushroom Foraging

Museum-based Workshop

Bike / Walking Tours 

Can’t seem to find a place that does “workshops”? (Read: because Google doesn’t work anymore…?) Check out your local Parks & Rec page for classes of all styles!

The beauty of this activity is that it is completely unbound by time. This can be done at 1pm or 1am and anywhere in between! Schedule a date and time that works for both of you, and get on the same page about how long you’d like to go, distance, location, or time-wise.

There are lots of opportunities here to be on equal footing with, and to practice communication surrounding division of labor in your relationship. Who is going to drive or are you going to split the drive there and back? Will the person who is running in for road trip snackies know what the other partner wants or are you going to gas station snack shop together? Will one of you DJ while the other drives and then switch, or will y’all make a playlist together ahead of time? Which direction/location will you drive and how is that being determined? 

If you’re finding yourselves in that, “oh my god, I don’t know what to talk about other than work” mode, here’s a list of couple’s road trip questions to get the conversation started!

NOTE for the Passenger: phones to be put away in the console/face down unless selecting music.

There are so many benefits to regular sexual interaction between couples that I can’t even decide which top 3 studies I could pick to link y’all to. 

…notice I didn’t say sexual intercourse. 

Penetrative sex is not required to receive these benefits, but what is required is a modicum of relational trust*, a little nervous system stimulation, and some intimate communication to allow both partners to experience, give, and receive what they need. 

The Afterglow Effect is real, y’all, and its regularity can be a predictor of relationship satisfaction. 

What’s has absolutely zero ill-effect on long term relationship satisfaction? Scheduled sex. In fact, creating time for each other’s intimate needs can be one of the surest ways to take the pressure off of your sex life. It wouldn’t be less fun to grab lunch with a friend if it wasn’t spontaneous, why should sex be the same?